I’ve been very private when it comes to my relationship status. And only few people knows about this. When I say ‘few’ it is really few. I don’t know. It’s just something that I don’t wanna talk about from time to time. I did not speak about this publicly not until now.
Yes, I’m single. (Finally said it!)
I’ve been single for quite some time now. Almost a year, maybe. And before I got into being single I’ve been in a long-term relationship, 4 years if you may ask. (My past relationship before that is actually 3 years so….)
Anyways, been with a relationship with an amazing guy. Don’t get me wrong, we’re still okay. We still talk and catch up some time but nothing’s going on anymore. I have things to do here and he is also busy with his stuff in Manila. No harm done.
I initiated the break up and as heartless of me as it may sound, it is surprisingly smooth. I mean not a hundred percent smooth, of course, I cried tons of times but I just knew that I’ve wanted it for quite a long time and although putting an end to it is tough, I just have to do it.
Many of those people who know all about this did not believe on it at first. I guess maybe we are that kind of couple who you look and say, “Ah, these two will end up together.” And to be honest, I thought of it too.
But people change.
You started to realize that you still wanted to do a lot of things — to explore many brilliant stuff, you want to achieve your goals, do all the cool stuff you have in mind.
And then it will hit you.
It will hit you hard realizing that all those stuff you wanted to do does not include him in the picture at all. Not even a bit.
It scared me for a moment. It really did.
I wanted more. I felt that we are not growing as an individual and we are just stuck the way that we were 4 years back.
He is okay with that but I’m not.
I don’t want to end up like that. I don’t wanna see myself 5 years from now regretting the fact that I didn’t maximize every opportunity that I have. Not only I wasted many years of my life but I basically wasted his life as well.
I just felt that I can do more and I can be a better version of myself. And I can only do that if I will love myself more. Yes, I want the same for him too.
It may sound very selfish but you have to deal with it. Set a standard for yourself and never settle for anything or anyone less than what you deserve. Just like what the book Perks of Being A Wallflower taught me; we accept the love that we think we deserve.
If there’s one thing I learned from the past year — it’s self-worth. I learned to value myself more than anything else. And don’t argue with me on this, but I’m telling you that it is the greatest gift ever.
I’m not saying that the guy who I’ve been with is an unbearable human being of some sort. Trust me, he is really a wonderful person. He can practically be my best friend and he deserves someone who will also give him the same love that he gave me. It’s just that I need some time for myself and most especially I just need to be happy and feel contented with ME first.
I’ve seen many people everyday that have been and still with a wrong person. I know that they do know that that person is not for them entirely and they just make each other miserable but they just continue on clinging into that relationship. They know deep inside that they deserve better and it really makes me sad that they need to compromise everything about themselves; most especially their life-long dreams. It really breaks my heart that they are blinded with the thought that ‘it will get better’. But subconciously they know that it will not.
I’m not looking forward on having a relationship anytime soon. I’m just glad that I have magnificent people around me all the time. My family and friends are very precious to me and I appreciate them every single day. They are not only the most positive people I know but also they bring out the best in me. And I think that’s what really matters.
For now, I’m in a committed relationship with MYSELF. And it really feels good. <3
This is a little bit a personal slash sentimental post. It doesn’t sound like me but I just think I really needed to let it out. For a change. Don’t worry, I’ll be back next week with my travel post. Hihi. x