May 10, 2015, Sunday
1:03 AM, Philippine Standard Time
Tonight is my last night here in the Philippines, my home for 21 years. And right now as I am typing these words my heart is breaking into small pieces. Let me tell you a story.
5 years ago my parents decided to leave the country for the greener pasture and since then our lives has never been the same. We learn to live through video calls and sending messages through chat almost every day for 5 years. We’ve waited for this day to come, for us to fly there and be together again as one happy family and I couldn’t be any grateful.
But there is no such thing as happy goodbyes. It’s always painful, no matter what the reason may be. And tonight as the daylight is approaching, I feel like I’m leaving my heart behind. Now I know how it feels to leave. To leave everything and everyone and still unsure when is the next time that you will be around.
For the last few weeks, I tried my best to meet every special friend I have and spend my day with them. Some of them gave me letters and gifts but what really touches me is they made time for me and that is more than enough. I’m such a sentimental person and I like to keep things from the people I love and I also like to give things to people special to me for them to remember me. I’ve been crying for the last few hours since Ian (friend) and Labo (boyfriend) left me and I don’t know if it’s because I’m leaving or is it because I’m afraid that I do not know when will I see them again.
Last Tuesday, we already packed our things in our luggages and I never felt this sad while fixing our things. It feels like a normal day. Until today, my mind started to process the fact that we are totally leaving the next day. Then, I panicked and cried. I cried longer than what I expected because for the past few days I thought there’s still enough time but it turned out I already have none.
As I locked our gate for the last time, Gab, our dog, suddenly jumped over me and I started crying like a baby. Talking to him while caressing his fur and saying “Good boy si Gab ah! (Gab is a good boy!)”. Maybe he felt that we are leaving and right now while I’m reliving that memory, I felt like crying once again.
I don’t want to make this post sounds like I’m a cry baby (not that it’s bad) but I can’t help it. With a lot of calls and text messages from my friends I feel like it’s my birthday except that they are all sad messages and it made me tear up. I’m happy that a lot of people are supportive and very much happy for us and it means the world to me. Now that it’s a new chapter of our lives, I cannot wait to explore it and live through its new pages and share it to the world. No more crying, only smiling.
For my friends, family and loved ones,
Thank you for being a huge part of my life, you will forever stay in my heart.
Until next time.
I bet when you read this, I already left the country so please send me some love through leaving some message on the comments. Please? Please? Ahhhh, feel like crying again. :(